Survival Guidance

As I draw a plan of recovery - I feel blank , I am not sure if I am genius or a dupe ! 

As I evolve ; the articles that I read are gaining more spiritual direction because what else can justify this illogical behaviour of wilful wrongness.

The more you read on the facts the more you feel caged and the more you question the walls that have been created.

They say you are free.. they say I am free !

If I am free then why have I not taken that flight and why am I still chained in my thoughts.

You want to challenge all that you have been nurtured with , you don't understand how can they make it look so easy and effortless and question the duality of ones life.

With a given few decades liveable left what is the meaning of fulfilment.

Should you achieve whatever you desire. My failures have always had an excuse of being righteous and honest but this time I feel burdened - why so !

I have lost my soul - my sense of being , nothing but a reflected smile as I mark the check list through my day and look for an excuse to be with the innocent where my mind can free and so can the heart as well.

My little wishes of holding on to nothing - so here I am inviting the chaos of life to hit me .Hit me with all those checklists and milestones that forever kill the connect between my mind and heart !

The mind is the only one which needs to survive ! The heart doesn't need to desire defeat; the heart doesn't need to desire fulfilment - the heart was never meant to be ! So you leave it in that room and walk away !

Walk away to the logic of survival ; walk and hold the whims of the next destination that perhaps might haunt less.

Why the pain !

Immerse yourself in the positive .

Immerse yourself in the constructive.

What are you running away from ... and what are you chasing !

There is something that only you know ! oh common don't lie .. your world stops ! yes it does !

The world stops for the fools ! and yes we are living in foolish times now where everything is breaking or creating - why this effort of trying to understand ! you don't have to understand everything ! it's ok to be foolish they say !

But thats not who I am - why accept anything and why not change !

In this limited time we have why do we accept the stuff quo - I refuse - because status quo is painful !

Status quo make me realise that people who don't take responsibility and wait for life to happen  are cowards !

Not everything is a failure or a success but the battle within in real - and yes battle and fight till you arrive ..

It's a difficult one cuz the war is within and its a painful one .

There are often no rules and reasons , and the fall is real just as real as the high was ..acknowledge defeat !

And surrender .. surrender because you know you want to loose because it's ok to loose and accept defeat because its your heart ! 

The pain is welcome because that pain was 'felt' and you wanted to 'feel' and now that you feel you don't know what to do with it ! you have forgotten how to process feelings and yes isn't growing up all to do with that where you forget feelings and accept the facts !

I am defeated - and locked !